Crossroads

How odd life seems these days. One minute things are alright, the next I'm whisked away by the turbulence that is my life. Chaos, stress, aggravation...these words all seem to embody my current state of being, chaotic, stressful and severely aggravated. The status of my relationship seems to be in question. My cat went missing and I'm worried sick about him. I don't know. There's a bear living in my yard. I hope to hell he hasn't eaten my cat...fuck! I'd like to say I'm having a shitty day, but it's more like I'm having a shitty life...know what I mean?? Yeah, I'm sure you do...anyway, that's all I gotta say for now...just wanted to get that off my chest.... BYE

Melancholy Baby...

I must say I can't wait for 2009 to be over. The year started off okay but it's just spiraled into the abyss since then and I'm free falling into hell. I've lost so much this year, from stupid things like furniture to incredibly important things like people. I feel so overwhelmed at times. I feel sad, empty, lost. I miss Diane and Uncle D. I miss their laughter, their spirit, their love. Although I'm surrounded by people who love me, I feel alone...so very alone. The stress is overwhelming. I just want simplicity. I want to be able to pick up a phone and call my Uncle D and tell him I love him and I'll see him soon. I can't believe he's gone. Christmas is around the corner and I'll pick up the movie Christmas Vacation and come to put it on; then I'll remember; Uncle D's gone...it was OUR movie...OUR ritual...Dad's gone, Uncle D's gone, Diane's gone...Jessica's moved into her own place...whichever way you slice it, I feel like I've been abandoned...either willingly or unwillingly. I know Troy's here for me. He loves me. I love him. It doesn't stop the pain, the sadness, the emptiness that's invaded my entire being. I hope and pray 2010 will bring happiness. I can't take anymore bad news, stress, sadness in my life. Hey, say a little prayer for me if you're reading this okay! I'd appreciate it! Bye for now...Mamacita, aka Melancholy Baby :(