Silver Lining...

Okay, things are finally, very slowly starting to come together...I've got a plan. I think that may be what I've needed the whole time. My horoscope today said that I often envy other people's talents and wonder how I could accomplish similar things in my own life. It said that the only difference between myself and them is that they put their minds to it and were confident and went for it. Well, I guess that's what I should do, so I decided that that's what I'm going to do. I'm making a plan and sticking to it. Period. There ya go....lol...Okay, I'll keep you updated...

Ciao,

Mamacita

November

I know nobody reads this, and it's probably for the best anyway...nothing fun is ever written on here anymore...I just feel so lost...so down...so lonely... Everything is constantly upside down and inside out...when did my life become so fucked up? If you read my earlier postings all seems great, fantastic...exciting even...now; it's just crap. Depression, sadness, fear, loneliness...etc. I really want to wake up tomorrow and be somewhere else...be somebody else...somebody who is loved, and is living a life where she feels secure and balanced, healthy, happy. I want that for myself but I just don't know how to attain it. I really don't. I wish I had a mentor or some sort of wise old guru to lead me through this insane path I've been on lately. Somebody who could show me the way to happiness, or at least point me toward the right road that leads to it... I feel so completely alone in the world... anyway, I'll write again someday...not that anybody reads this...:(

Is anybody out there???

I know my last posting was full of shits & giggles....but this one isn't...it's all fallen apart...I still have the house in Welland, though God only knows for how long...I'm now single, alone, scared out of my flipping mind and so sad I can't stop crying... Jess is still here and her friend Chriss is also living with us but we have no savings, no jobs, bills piled to the sky and my so called friends are nowhere to be seen. I have no car, no money in the bank, no food in the house...cats, dogs & the rest of us are starving...no litter, no money of course for bus fare to even get us to a food bank...these are awful, dire times...I feel so completely lost...I want to call people, but those I've chosen to talk to have not been especially helpful or even receptive...I guess it's just a.ll too much drama for them...I strive as a human being to help those in need...I've taken in all sorts of strays from animals to people...given them food, shelter, comfort...when I need all of that the most there's nobody here to help me...I know that I'll make it through this...I always do...but this shit is getting harder as I get older...I figured that by the time I turned 40 I'd have my own home...be settled down with a husband, a good job, a couple of pets and my daughter by my side. Besides my daughter being by my side and a whack of starving, flea infested pets, I have nothing to offer. My poor kid's trying her best not to completely lose her mind while I have a meltdown. I'm trying so hard to be strong for her right now, to be her safe haven, her rock, but I'm afraid I'm failing miserably. I'm worn down, broken, and truly a complete and total chocolate mess. I wish I could say different but it's the God's honest truth. I feel so completely vulnerable right now and all I can think of is..."Christmas is coming and I'll have nothing to give my daughter"...how sad is that?? Somebody help me...give me hope...give me food...give me money for food...somebody be my rock...my leaning post...somebody relieve me of my burdens...I miss my Dad so very much right now...I feel like all would be better if I could just be in his strong arms right now. I want to hear him tell me everything will be alright. I want to feel that safe and secure feeling I had as a child that everything was okay, no matter what. Remember those carefree days when you were blissfully unaware of bills, problems, stress of any kind, except maybe that your friend pushed you and now you weren't talking to them anymore, until the next day when they offered you a cookie and all was well again?? I want that feeling back...I want to feel in control again...I feel completely overwhelmed and completely out of control of my emotions and everything around me. Please God, if you read blogs...I just ask this of you...HELP! Take this load off my back...I promise I'll owe you one...Hope somebody is reading and answers my prayers...

Sadly yours...

Mamacita :(

Sooooo busy...

Wow, this is great. Truly great...I'm finally so busy I don't know what to do with myself...lol...I've gone through many stages in the last year, but busy was never really one of them...at least never in a good way... Now, I'm moving again...this time to my very own home...and there's so much to plan...I want to paint the inside, work on the front and back yards, there's so much to do at this new place we'll be busy for quite some time...I also have decided to start my own company, so I'm in the process of writing my business plan so that I can approach some investors and get some funding. If all goes well I should be up and running by mid-fall and hit the ground running with the Christmas Season fast approaching...that would be awesome. I feel good. I have a purpose. I have plans. I have wonderful friends and the best family a gal could hope for... Keep your fingers crossed for me kiddies...this is bound to be an exciting time in my life and I hope you'll all wish me luck! Love you all....

Mamacita

Told ya I'd be back soon...

Well, here I am... The last few days have certainly been eventful for me...I've finally purchased my own home! Applause please!! I'm thrilled...it's a little old house in the town of Welland... a fixer upper to be sure, however, it's MY fixer upper! I can't wait to move in and transform this space into something that will reflect my personal style. I'm already planning...I need paint, paintbrushes, curtains, a sander, a lawn mower, a hose, a ladder...so much more...Yipee! I can hardly believe it. You see, over the last few weeks I've been reading The Law of Attraction and Cash in a Flash. It's working people...it had worked once before, but I'd sort of gotten lazy and let go of the principles I'd learned. That's why I decided to return to the library, pick up the book again and re-read it. I'm feeling more confident now, much happier and a lot more ambitious than before. I believe that the things I've learned in the books and am applying to my life will alter my entire being... the lifestyle I want is but a thought away...isn't that awesome! I wanna be a billionaire so frikkin bad...LOL...and so I shall! Take care my pretties... xo

I'm back...

Okay, I know I've said this before and I'd write and then disappear for months on end...but I'm truly back this time...lol...did you miss me? Of course you did...:o) Well, things have certainly changed in my life in the last little while...I've moved out of Sudbury...yep...I've left the Big Nickel behind for the warm, humid climate of the Niagara Region...such bliss...such heat...lol. It's absolutely gorgeous though...and we're never ever at a lack for something to do...we're either going for drives down the beautiful Niagara Parkway....shopping at quaint little shops in Niagara on the Lake...going to silly little museums and fun houses on Clifton Hill in the Falls...eating scrumptious meals at the Boat House in Niagara Falls...checking out savory confections all over the region...chocolate shops abound here by the way....going to Happy Rolph's to visit the newborn calf or baby donkeys and all their pals....feeding the ducks or swimming in Port Dalhousie...participating in Dragon Boat races in Welland, going to the Drive-In in Fonthill....ordering the world's best pizza from On The Mark in St. Kitts....I could go on and on....We love it here!!! Absolutely, positively LOVE LOVE it!! Oh, and I can't forget the fabulous new friends I've made here...I love you all!! Did I forget to mention our day trips to Toronto for the first ever Veggie Pride Parade...and the Gay Pride Parade....and...oh, well, you get the idea...it's been a fun filled, action packed summer so far and it's only just begun...I'm loving life and enjoying every single second of it....Love you my pretties...til I blog again...this time it should be relatively soon....I promise! lol...xoxoxo

Yes, I'm still alive!

Howdy people! I'm back and better than ever...I'm finally getting back on my feet after this horrific grief filled year. Troy got a new job which he started today and I've decided to rediscover my artistic side. I've been painting...a lot...with oils, acrylics and oil pastels...I've been painting mainly modern abstracts but also some pop art in oil pastels..I'm enjoying every single minute of it...Hopefully by spring I'll have enough paintings done to attend a craft show...things are finally starting to look up...I'm looking forward to Christmas and having all the kids over and eating some yummy turkey, and ham and tons and tons of goodies! Merry Christmas to all...and to all a good night...lol...By the way, I can't wait for 2010....2009 sucked the big one! lol...Talk to you later peeps...LOVE YOU ALL!!